The year of the Bobcat

It was the great Drew Barrymore (schlooo awesome) who coined the phrase "Puma" as a means of circumventing the gap between what is at one end an eligible, hot, available woman to the (strike an attacking pose with hands and make a rrrrooooaaarrrwwww sound) merciless land of Cougarville USA.

Now, before reaching the veritable dark pit of Cougarville, that not even Courtney Cox's hit new TV show can make desirable, if you are an eligible, hot, available woman on the other side of 30, you get to be another kind of stressed out cat that eats people: you get to be a Puma. I $^*( hate cats.

Now, I love Drew Barrymore ,as my Facebook profile will attest, but C'mon dude- A Puma? Why couldn't we merge with the Penguin family or take the lead from things that fly in the sky and soar like a freaking Eagle up high and above the rest of the world? I'd take a golden retriever before a Puma any day of the week- friendly and fun, always up for it, good for a laugh. Let's sell the good things about being a woman, our honesty and loyalty and ability to change our minds 10 times a day and be right every single time.

No, we're Puma's, bigger than run of the mill house cats (who are the unspoken, long suffering pet of the single woman), dark and mysterious, on the verge of instinction: only by virtue of denial and friends with Cameron Diaz and Lucy Lui.

Well, I take your Puma, Drew Barrymore and I raise you a Bobcat for I am as at yesterday officially Puma status and in and effort to reacquaint myself with my new status, I did some research.

Behold the Bobcat:

The Bobcat (Lynx rufus) is a North American mammal of the cat family, Felidae (tweedle dee and felidae dumb) With twelve recognized subspecies, it ranges from southern Canada to northern Mexico, including most of the continental United States. The Bobcat is an adaptable predator (Roger that) that inhabits wooded areas (bars) , as well as semi-desert (shopping malls post recession) urban edge (bars) , forest edges (yoga retreats) and swampland environments (New York City) It persists in much of its original range and populations are healthy (we're freaking everywhere).

God, I hate cats, but I still love you, Drew.

Pop Quiz

What was the verdict here, does anybody know?

Already Over It...

I've soured already.  I knew I would.  I barely ever get past the 2nd date and this is no exception. I think I hate this blog. Do I really need another thing to add to my to do list? Am I going to get anything out of this relationship, just me and the screen, punching away at the keyboard, 0 followers staring down at me, reminding me I am desperately alone, with no TV. 

I wouldn't marry me either.  "must have TV" is a prerequisite to any relationship, surely. Girls say they like funny guys but I bet if they really thought hard about it, they would join me in the chorus that sings,  "must have TV".

I think the TV repair guy from GeekSquad (the single best thing I have discovered about America this week, second only to Netflix) is coming on Friday, so maybe I'll blog until then.  I wonder if the GeekSquad guy will be cute.  The plant delivery guy on Sunday was hot.  Tipped him $10 and didn't even get his name.  I think it's better that way, don't you?

You always remember your first blog....

I wasn't ready for my first time.  It happened quite unexpectedly and took me completely by surprise.

Looking back, I'm not sure that any of us are ever really prepared for the first one.  It's one of those things you talk about doing, everyone else around you is doing it and you know you should get around to doing it, but when it happens, it's never how you imagined.

Take this, my first blog.  It shouldn't be happening now but it was as if the universe had willed it to be. The universe being my new plasma TV, that is.  It just stopped..suddenly Susan. Went black, with no vision, just Neil Patrick Harris comparing the Emmy's. It was like listening to the radio again and it was awful.  I reach for my laptop, one slow, tender movement after the next and I begin tapping away at the keyboard, slow at first, then faster. One thing leads to another and wham, here I am, breaking another vow, and losing my virginity all over again.

So how did my first time feel, you might ask?  It's nothing to write home about, that's for sure. It felt a bit weird to start with but got much easier as it went along.  I'll probably do it again.  I might be better prepared for the next one, now I have this first one under my belt.

I wonder if I'll be any good at it, because they say you can't really tell the first time.

We'll see.

But more importantly, what the $%^& am I going to do about this TV?